UN plan to invade America postponed for 26th year in a row

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NEW YORK — The United Nations’ Department of Peacekeeping Operations (DPKO) has quietly announced the postponement of its planned invasion of the United States for the 26th year in a row, sources confirmed today.

“We’ve suffered another setback, unfortunately,” said Jean-Pierre Lacroix, under-secretary General for Peacekeeping Operations, to a small group of reporters atop the General Assembly Building in Manhattan. “With nearly 60% of our 90,905 uniformed troops and police officers being non-deployable due to Class 3 dental issues, we just don't have enough bodies to occupy a country the size of the United States, much less disarm the populace and send them to re-education camps."

“This is worse than three years ago when our soldiers flooded the bathrooms in the abandoned Walmart during Jade Helm," he added.

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

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