NEW YORK — The United Nations’ Department of Peacekeeping Operations (DPKO) has quietly announced the postponement of its planned invasion of the United States for the 26th year in a row, sources confirmed today.

“We’ve suffered another setback, unfortunately,” said Jean-Pierre Lacroix, under-secretary General for Peacekeeping Operations, to a small group of reporters atop the General Assembly Building in Manhattan. “With nearly 60% of our 90,905 uniformed troops and police officers being non-deployable due to Class 3 dental issues, we just don't have enough bodies to occupy a country the size of the United States, much less disarm the populace and send them to re-education camps."

“This is worse than three years ago when our soldiers flooded the bathrooms in the abandoned Walmart during Jade Helm," he added.