RAQQA, Syria — The reign of ISIS will soon be at an end, thanks to the latest overwhelming and decisive tactic employed by the US military: An airdrop of hundreds of laptops loaded with 130-slide PowerPoint presentations.

“They’re not even password-protected,” said Adm. Michael S. Rogers, commander of US Cyber Command. “We want them to get in. As every staff officer and senior staff noncommissioned officer knows, lengthy PowerPoint presentations can be fatal.”

According to a communications officer who did not want to speak on the record, for fear of losing job security, the latops were loaded with Windows 7, so the terrorists would first need to update the devices before accessing the presentations. Then they would need to contact a system administrator to enable the Flash plug-in, before resetting the password 72 times, once for each virgin.