US CENTRAL COMMAND, Tampa, Fl.—The expanding chaos in the Middle-East that has shocked international security experts has come as less of a surprise to members of the US Joint Force, according to interviews conducted with personnel deployed in support of Operation Prosperity Guardian.  

“I saw this coming the minute the Israelis starting pounding the shit out of this place. There was no way America would just watch someone else rawdog that shit and just sit on the sidelines,” said Fire Controlman First Class Everett Garcia.

“It always starts out good,” continued Garcia, noticeably adjusting the crotch of his trousers. “We’re dropping huge loads [of ordnance] around the clock and they’ll be just as ready to go the following day. Hezbollah, Houthis, Hamas? Whatever, they all have just an insatiable desire to get pounded over and over. Sometimes they’ll get freaky and invite someone else into the mix. Shit gets nasty, but good nasty, na’mean? I remember going hard against the Sunni insurgency in 2009, and bam, they bring in Boko Haram out of nowhere. We look over our shoulder and there’s the French tagging in with us. They love that colonial, interracial shit. But the truth is it always ends the same way it did with my first wife: somebody crying, somebody screaming, somebody swearing eternal jihad.”