WASHINGTON — The next and perhaps most important Presidential debates will be hosted in the coming months by the U.S. military, featuring a cognitive and general technical test from the Army and a rigorous Air Force fitness test conducted on the golf course, sources confirmed today.
According to campaign officials, both President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump have agreed that the Army and Air Force, normally absent from overt politics, will each host one of the next two Presidential debates. Each branch has already announced its unique format.
“Given the issues revealed in their first debate, we’ve found mental acuity to be one of the key issues for voters,” said Gen. Randy A. George, Army Chief of Staff. “Luckily, we have a great test that allows our recruiters, and really, the entire DoD, to understand a candidate’s strengths, fit, and potential for any job with the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery.”
The ASVAB will be conducted simultaneously by both candidates at a single table, separated by worn-out folded manilla envelopes, while being filmed live in an MMA octagon. Candidates’ computer screens will be viewable by judges, DoD recruiters, commentators, and home audiences. A sellout crowd is expected, and Amazon will stream it live for Prime subscribers.
George added: “I don’t know why this isn’t a normal thing. The ASVAB isn’t perfect, though: it doesn’t really address physical capacity, strength, and conditioning, so we looked to the experts in the Air Force for help fleshing out some kind of rigorous physical test.”
The Air Force debate will occur closer to November, defense officials say.
