The Pentagon announced today plans to move from its current DIME strategy in order to help deal with a recent economic downturn and rising inflation. National security policy development and implementation will now focus on the newly-coined NICKEL strategy: Nineteen-year-olds, Innovation, Cryptocurrency, Keto, Email, and Leg tucks.

“We have all the ingredients to maintain the same high level of success we’ve been enjoying under DIME, now it’s just in a more fiscally responsible way,” said Pentagon spokesman John Kirby. “Each branch offered its ideas to save money and maintain lethality in an increasingly budget-constrained force.”

The inclusion of nineteen-year-olds, proposed by the Marines, was rooted in the longstanding tradition of depending on teenagers with rifles to maintain American global supremacy.