WASHINGTON, D.C. — Football's growing controversy over the use of the name "Washington Redskins" came to a screeching halt after the U.S. Army massacred the entire team, then promptly confiscated all its land and property, sources confirmed Monday.

Elements of the 7th Cavalry Regiment, airlifted in on UH-60 Black Hawks, fast-roped into FedEx Field in the great history, tradition and legacy of that regiment, shooting down stadium security guards before turning their guns on the players and owners who were there for a routine preseason meeting.

As the troopers stormed the stadium, Redskins wide receiver Santana Moss was discussing the naming controversy with reporters, saying, "I hope the best for it because I feel like, as a Redskin--" before a Staff Sergeant shouted, "He's a redskin! Get him!" and dropped him with a well-aimed shot to the torso.

7th Cavalry then took formal possession of FedEx Field, renaming it to Fort Freedom.