The modern military man has not changed very much since the dawn of warfare. Sure, we have the F-35, ICBMs, and Blue Force Trackers, but men who engage in land warfare are still classically trained warriors who merely use technology as an improvisational tool.

For the modern military man, it is about complying with a code of honor; the etiquette of the "man-at-arms." An unspoken — yet universally known — set of principles.

1. The modern military man knows just how far he can kick a severed head.

2. Unencumbered by inferior knives and cutting tools, the modern military man opens MREs with his erect penis.

3. Before going out on patrol, the modern military man loads his mags half-full, forcing him to use his Kevlar helmet to finish off his enemies.

4. The modern military man prefers single malt. But he's not picky.

5. The modern military man doesn't brag about threesomes. Both of them were fatties.

6. The modern military man has actually killed a baby seal. Maybe dozens.

7. Ever a student of history, the modern military man can quote from such literature as "Aliens" and "Full Metal Jacket."

8. The modern military man can shoot a yak from 300 yards away with his rigid penis; 50 when flaccid. He is a grower, not a shower.

9. The modern military man doesn't waste a JDAM. He knows a bullet will work just fine.