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Weirdo waits until after watch to masturbate

MANAMA, Bahrain — A sailor onboard the USS Truxton acted like a total weirdo by waiting until after watch to masturbate, sources confirmed today.

Operational Specialist 3rd Class Jack Winter finished standing topside rover at 2 a.m., turned in his firearms, and then masturbated in the berthing head.

His actions went against thousands of years of military and naval traditions, according to a senior defense official.

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