WASHINGTON — A White House staffer changed the “days without a security incident” sign back to zero this morning after aides found additional classified documents in President Biden’s personal residence, sources confirmed today.

“Guess we’re not getting a pizza party this week,” said Kenneth Franklin, a 23-year-old West Wing staffer, after he changed the sign and lumbered back to his desk. “It was my turn to pick this month, too — it’s just not fair.”

Franklin and his colleagues were required to change the sign from four days back to zero after the revelation that aides found additional classified documents in the President's garage, private office, and in the glovebox of his 1981 Camaro. Staffers were not the only White House employees unhappy about the revelation.

“You got any Xanax?” the White House security manager asked as she poured something from a flask into a coffee cup and stubbed a cigarette out on her armchair.