NEW YORK — World leaders met at the United Nations today to beg the United States to use military force to stem the ever-growing humanitarian disaster in Syria, knowing full well they will then turn around and blame the US shortly thereafter.

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon said, "We call upon the world's greatest nation — the United States — to help bring peace to this terrible civil war, because, fuck it, none of us want to."

"And the best part is, when this whole thing goes to hell in a handbasket — which, quite frankly, happens almost every time you intervene in a multi-sided civil war in a God-forsaken third-world country — none of us are responsible for it!" Ki-Moon added.

The "Blame America First" policy is a time-honored tradition in international relations, dating back to the outrage over the US Air Force's targeted bombing campaign against the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, followed by consternation over America's idleness while the same Khmer Rouge murdered millions of their own countrymen.