WASHINGTON – A Pentagon memorandum is warning all uniformed service-members to avoid pregnancy at least during the next year, or possibly decade, to be safe. Defense analysts are calling the timing of the warning "suspicious," as it follows closely on the Pentagon's expansion of maternity-leave to twelve weeks. The memo was obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request.

“You really can’t be too careful with these things,” said Chief Surgeon of the Army Gen. Dale Hannigan. “These mothers should continue showing up to work every day, and they definitely should not be taking leave until the threat is completely removed world-wide.”

Chief Spokesman for the Army Col. Richard Scott is concerned with the potential TRICARE costs associated with treating Zika victims. “The Army is really not interested in producing more babies with lifelong medical conditions,” he said in a press briefing. “We already went down that rabbit-hole with overseas burn-pits.”

“This ain’t going to make a difference,” said Spc. Crystal Schwartz. “I ain’t never seen a baby coming. I’m not sure how they expect us to just ‘not get pregnant.’”