DAMASCUS — The U.S. military took an unusual move Tuesday with the deployment of two battalions of amateur airsoft players to the Syrian capital, in an attempt to depose Bashar al-Assad, or at a bare minimum, just look like they are at least doing something in the two-year-old civil war.
Indeed, the battalions of fully-grown men — who dress up in military uniforms and shoot each other with Airsoft guns on the weekend — are currently en route to the conflict zone via an extremely short C-130 airbus.
"I've been training for this my whole life," said Jeremy Lyons, a 32-year-old college dropout who swears "Airsoft is just a hobby," even though his entire Facebook features photos of him looking like a goddamn Navy SEAL.
Sources were unable to confirm whether Lyons had ever actually had sex with a woman.
