FORT SILL, Okla. — An Army platoon leader was shocked to learn that his entire platoon had converted to Christianity en masse this week, despite his condescending and lengthy talks about his own lack of belief in God.

“I just can’t understand it,” said 1st Lt. Edward Garrison from his office, still dazed at hearing the news. “I mean, you figure there will be one or two kids who are always the, you know, the smallminded, the kids who are too afraid to be moral on their own. But my whole platoon? And after I spent so much time encouraging them to be free thinkers and humanists?

"This is just too much," he added, before departing early for the day, telling his commander he felt ill.

Garrison’s soldiers claim that rather than dissuade them, his militant atheism actually drove them toward religion.