CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — Multiple sources confirmed that Marine Cpl. Ryan Biggs — with a previously unblemished five year Marine Corps career and a large tattoo on his back reading “Death Before Dishonor" — is now a total hypocrite after he committed a dishonorable offense earlier this week.
Biggs, previously assigned to Task Force Belleau Wood, previously boasted of a spotless tenure in the Corps, including a storied history of international philandering and adultery, merciless bullying, frequent bouts of public belligerence, and the drunken operation of motor vehicles.
However, Biggs’ honor now stands impugned after a botched attempt to smuggle weapons back from Afghanistan, sources told reporters.
“What a dishonorable shitbag,” said Biggs’ platoon sergeant, Staff Sgt. Howard Bowles, who is pending non-judicial punishment for his fourth DUI. “We just didn’t see this one coming.”
