SAN DIEGO, Calif. – The worst storm to slam sunny San Diego in the past six years has encouraged thousands of sailors to repent for their sins and seek the unconditional forgiveness of the omniscient deity of their choosing, sources confirmed Friday.

Many service members elected to remain home and spend their last moments with their families — except those on duty — who were tasked with bringing two animals of every kind aboard their ships.

“Duty is duty,” proclaimed an unidentified master chief.

While the storm hammered central and northern California with gale force winds, washing out roads and causing landslides, San Diego’s unreal exposure to steady precipitation for more than two hours has led many to accept that the end is, in fact, near.