FORT BRAGG, N.C. — A Department of Defense-wide labor strike by Explosive Ordnance Disposal soldiers began this week after negotiations failed to achieve a repeal of the ban on storage and consumption of alcohol in unit facilities, sources confirmed.

The stalemate comes following a recent joint DOD directive ordering all EOD formations to shut down and physically remove their unit bars from day-rooms. Meanwhile, EOD unit headquarters across the services have been shut down due to an "Occupy"-like appropriation by foul-mouthed, drunken bomb technicians sporting tattoos and genital piercings.

Leading the loosely-affiliated, and unimaginatively-named, “Techs For Booze” coalition, which initially called for the strike, is Master Sgt. Ed Zwick, an operations NCO and EOD Team Leader in 192nd Ordnance Battalion (EOD) at Fort Bragg. Zwick spoke with reporters at a small press event minutes after the strike officially began.