THE SQUAREAGON – The Department of Defense will cutting the Pentagon into a square to comply with budget cuts, according to sources close to Defense Secretary Ashton Carter. The Army Corps of Engineers will begin construction this summer, in accordance with cost-reduction policies mandated by Congress.

“Look, those Congressional asshats ordered us to reduce our headquarters by 20 percent,” Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joseph Dunford explained. “So I am complying and making my headquarters into a perfect square.”