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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Thursday, 1 October 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

1 October 2026

1101 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

Marine commandant changes tattoo policy after drunken night in Vegas

Filed · 1538

WASHINGTON — The Marine Corps' top general said he plans to eliminate the service's tattoo policy in the near future, after an alcohol and testosterone fueled weekend in Las Vegas, sources confirmed.

"There's really nothing wrong with getting a little ink to show some Marine Corps pride," Neller reportedly said, while shooting craps at the Tropicana. "Hell, even Smedley Butler had a full chest tattoo of the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor."

Gen. Robert Neller and Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Ronald Green allegedly spent Friday evening prowling Las Vegas strip clubs and tattoo parlors and raiding Middle-Eastern-themed establishments, according to sources.

Witnesses observed Neller and Green playing Keno at the Golden Nugget and downing Long Island Iced Teas poolside at club Rehab throughout the day. They were eventually spotted stumbling into Bubba's Tattoo and Piercing at around 3 a.m.

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