WASHINGTON – The U.S. Navy officer charged with espionage and suspected of supplying national secrets to China and Taiwan has confessed to doing so in exchange for a Dave & Buster’s Power Card, Pentagon officials announced today.

Lt. Cmdr. Edward Lin, a naturalized U.S. citizen, was born in Taiwan and moved to America when he was 14 years old, eventually becoming a signals intelligence officer working aboard reconnaissance aircraft.

“When I was just a boy, one of my schoolmates had a pizza party at Chuck E. Cheese’s,” Lin reportedly told investigators. “It was the best day of my life. But even at that age, I knew I would never be able to go back once I got older, because that would just make me super lame.”