KABUL, Afghanistan — Following President Barack Obama’s announcement on Wednesday that more troops than initially planned will stay in Afghanistan, the war torn country reportedly rolled its eyes, glanced at its bootleg Rolex watch and lit an unfiltered Pines cigarette.

“Good Allah, the United States is taking for-ehhh-ver to pull out,” said Afghanistan. “They’ve been pumping rounds into me for almost fifteen years and not to be rude but, like, it’s not really doing anything for me.”

Sources say the country, stuck on staggering corruption, poverty and unending terror despite U.S. efforts to get it off, is tired of faking it.