PHILADELPHIA – Proud parents Tom and Trish Meyers can’t stop talking about their son Jacob’s potty training accidents, adorable childhood mispronunciations, and grisly combat death, sources confirmed today.

“Dad’s always been the worst about this,” says Meghan, Jacob’s younger sister. “He’ll talk to anyone — the mailman, the bank teller — about how Jacob tried to hide his first potty-training accident in a restaurant by smearing chocolate pudding on his lap, or how he couldn’t say Meghan so he’d call me Ray Gun, or how he saw that white Toyota was sagging too low, and everyone could feel that something wasn’t right, but you know Jacob."

Meghan stopped to roll her eyes. “I’m like, Dad, stop it. They’re just being polite. You’re being really embarrassing.”