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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 118 · Saturday, 3 October 2026

Navy & Marines

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Unit leaders say his ability to stick with the mission is unmatched

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

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Vol. 15 · No. 118

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Vol. 15 · No. 118 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

3 October 2026

1409 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Afghanistan becomes pregnant with new trillion-dollar baby after US refuses to pull out

Filed · 1534

KABUL — Just a couple years before America’s war in Afghanistan would turn 18 and leave home for good, the Kabul government has confirmed it is pregnant again with another trillion-dollar baby American war.

“Yes, things are hot and sticky over there,” said Gen. Dunford, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “And yes, this was unplanned. But like a good dead beat father, we will assume responsibility for raising this war by paying it no attention and lavishing it with thoughtless gifts of cash, weapons, and training, which we all know will go straight to waste.”

Still, the unexpected pregnancy has many reeling, as critics have pointed out issues with the strategy for raising Afghanistan and Uncle Sam's current teenager.

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