MILLINGTON, Tenn. — The US Navy's recruiting command will soon debut its latest television commercial set to air nationwide, which promises potential naval aviators adventure, and the ability to draw giant dicks in the sky, sources confirmed today.

"In the 1980s, the movie Top Gun was one of our most successful recruiting efforts, and it really helped get us a new generation of pilots," said Rear Adm. Pete Garvin, commander of Recruiting Command. "But we realized we were coming up short in recent years. And then we realized we just needed to promise what is every young man's dream: To draw dicks for a living."

"And not just small ones on paper, mind you. I'm talking giant monstrous dicks made from aircraft exhaust," he added.