KABUL — A number of Afghanistan's politicians, warlords, drug smugglers, and Thunder Dome administrators have signed an open letter assuring US Congressional leaders that everything will be just fine if the American government is forced to shut down, sources confirmed today.

"Our government has been shut down for over 16 years and we've been doing just fine," wrote an eclectic mix of Afghan high society, which included a part-time member of Parliament and full-time member of the Taliban, a successful bombmaker, and a Korengal Valley timber smuggling entrepreneur.

"We want to assure you, our friends in America, government shut downs are not the end of the world," the letter continues. "As your great emir Ronald Reagan once said, 'the government that governs best is the one which governs least,' and we have taken this to heart for nearly two decades."