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Afghan leaders assure US: ‘Our government has been shut down for 16 years and we’re fine’


KABUL — A number of Afghanistan’s politicians, warlords, drug smugglers, and Thunder Dome administrators have signed an open letter assuring US Congressional leaders that everything will be just fine if the American government is forced to shut down, sources confirmed today.

“Our government has been shut down for over 16 years and we’ve been doing just fine,” wrote an eclectic mix of Afghan high society, which included a part-time member of Parliament and full-time member of the Taliban, a successful bombmaker, and a Korengal Valley timber smuggling entrepreneur.

“We want to assure you, our friends in America, government shut downs are not the end of the world,” the letter continues. “As your great emir Ronald Reagan once said, ‘the government that governs best is the one which governs least,’ and we have taken this to heart for nearly two decades.”

The letter was published hours before a potential U.S. government shut down, which would happen at midnight on Friday if Congress is unable to pass a budget bill. As the open letter makes clear, Afghanistan hasn’t had a budget, basic services, or an effective military since the U.S.-led invasion in 2001.

“Many in the US say the government shouldn’t have to handle simple problems like trash pick up, minor policing, and child care,” said Habib al-Bubari, a local farmer who runs a side-business supplying batteries, wiring, and collectible marbles to Helmand Province’s booming explosives business. “We couldn’t agree more!”

And Kabul’s lack of governance hasn’t stopped others from flourishing in the country. Some Afghans, for example, have set up community checkpoints on roads where fellow citizens pay them money and give them all their belongings in exchange for the service of not being raped and murdered.

“A government shut down isn’t such a bad thing,” said Afghan President/Kabul Mayor Ashraf Ghani. “But I do hope that Congress at least continues to fund Afghanistan’s flourishing democratic success story.”

BlondesOverBaghdad contributed reporting.

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