PACIFIC OCEAN — In an unprecedented show of force as the United States and China battle for supremacy in the South China Sea, the U.S. Navy’s Pacific Fleet has launched its largest-ever show tune song-and-dance routine in the, sources confirmed today.
Sources say more than 10,000 sailors were involved in the production, which featured a musical score composed by members of SEAL Team 6, while dance routines in the air and on ship were choreographed by members of the Blue Angels flight demonstration team.
“I said a-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four,” sang Adm. Harry B. Harris Jr, head of U.S. Pacific Command. “Me n’ the boys just a swabbin’ the decks. Look out a-China or you’re gonna be next.”
The Navy claimed the provocative measure was just a routine patrol, but the Chinese Navy has already responded with an all-hands choreographed Dragon Dance of its own.
“This is clearly an act of aggression,” said China’s top naval commander, Vice Adm. Shen Jinlong. “No one comes right up to our doorstep and executes a flawless rendition of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s South Pacific without expecting to pay the consequences.”
Shen added that no amount of flamboyant dance moves will deter his forces from controlling the South China Sea regardless of “how cute those boys look in their whites.”
Still, Harris was undeterred.
“Oh please. Shen couldn’t hit a C-sharp if it slapped him in the face,” said Harris. “And his pirouettes are so stiff.”