PARIS — Adm. Jean Vantinel, Chef d'état-major de la Marine of the French Navy, has announced the Marine Nationale will christen the world’s most technologically-advanced mimesweeper this fall in a ceremony in Touloun.

“Every since I was…how do you say? A midshipmen at the École Navale I knew it was my sworn duty to protect my country. We have ze big enemy. The biggest, you know, is the bad art."

The Loire class ship, named the Silence de Mort, will be the first new mimesweeper commissioned since the post-modern art movement made the coastlines less hospitable to all forms of physical comedy. However, a recent resurgence of improv comedy has slowly festered into a mime insurgency, necessitating the push for a new mimesweeper.