PACIFIC OCEAN — The Navy has warned it will indeed turn this ship around if the Marines onboard don't stop poking each other, sources confirmed today.

"So help me God, I will pull this ship over so fast," Navy said, adding that the Marines on the ship were currently "out of fucking control."

According to defense officials, the incident started when one group of Marines started to cross into the berthing area of a second group of Marines. The poking began shortly after, and included direct contact and several Marines using the comment, “stop hitting yourself,” relating to the younger Marines involved.