WALTHAM, Massachusetts — In the ongoing war on fiscal prudence, a new bomb from Raytheon is ready to blow up the scene, sources confirmed today.
Raytheon is set to move into the operational testing phase for the most advanced bomb to ever be developed for the United States military.
The GBU-60, nicknamed the ‘Budget Buster,’ is capable of destroying up to $3 million of taxpayer money in a single strike, almost a thousand times as destructive as the Mark 82 bomb it is set to replace.
Raytheon attributes its enhanced destructive capability to costly innovations such as space age optical and thermal imaging, a precision laser-guided navigation and steering system, and a Martian death ray.
It is also capable of carrying 1.5 million dollars in cash that it can use to lure in suspecting terrorists before incinerating both them and between 10 to 37 percent of hard-earned American paychecks.
“The GBU-60 Budget Buster incorporates all the latest technology necessary to rapidly obliterate public capital on today’s battlefield,” said Raytheon CEO Thomas A. Kennedy.
While it is still a year or two away from being ready for worldwide deployment, members of Congress are already expressing excitement at the enhanced capabilities of the GBU-60.
“This revolutionary new bomb ensures the United States military will continue to be the most destructive in the world,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.). “If we drop enough of these puppies, we can even annihilate an entire Treasury Department.”
The bomb is currently being developed for the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, which has been deemed a ‘natural pairing’ due to the F-35’s awesome power to fly past fiscal restraints and eradicate piles of cash.