WASHINGTON — Sagacious officers across all branches of the armed forces are only indulging in five rosewater scones per day on the average, according to a report released today.

The 14-page study, published in this month's issue of online food journal "Gastronomica", shows that the palates of our nation's leaders have changed dramatically over the last two decades, moving away from almond-flour sweets towards more rustic, custard-based desserts.

"We are extremely concerned that commissioned officers are trying to relate with the enlisted by eschewing the food of their forefathers," said Pentagon spokeswoman Col. Lucretia Portendorfer. "While admirable, it is hardly becoming of an officer of these United States to be noshing on Manchester tart and tipsy cake with soldiers who are supposed to respect them."