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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 118 · Saturday, 3 October 2026

Navy & Marines

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Unit leaders say his ability to stick with the mission is unmatched

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

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Vol. 15 · No. 118

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Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 118 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

3 October 2026

0931 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

Level 63 Paladin granted religious exemption to grow neckbeard

Filed · 1532

FORT MEADE, Md. – A sailor successfully petitioned for unrestrained growth of his facial hair on the grounds of religious expression, sources aboard Cryptologic Warfare Group Six revealed today.

The Navy’s controversial determination allows the pious sailor to keep with his World of Warcraft (WoW) faith as a devoted servant of the Holy Light and follows closely on the heels of a recent decision by the Air Force granting a Muslim airman the right to wear a beard.

“Lo, a glorious day for Azeroth, indeed, that I might champion the cause of my brothers,” declared local holy warrior, Quest4Cameltō, squeezing one of the many pustular follicles erupting from the pubescent tangle of greasy, unkempt hair below his chins.

Quest4Cameltō, a paladin from the holdfast of Stromgarde, goes by the title of Cryptologic Technician (Interpretive) Seaman Kevin Dietrich in the material world and practices the foreign tongue of ancient Mesopotamia, providing translations and intelligence reports for further analysis.

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