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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Wednesday, 30 September 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

30 September 2026

2115 Zulu

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Pentagon · Page 3

Trump to host “who wants to be a cabinet secretary?” to find next secretary of defense

Filed · 1531

Photo by Natilyn Hicks Photography / Unsplash

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The White House is negotiating a reality television show with producer Mark Burnett to identify the next secretary of defense nominee with President Donald Trump set to host, sources confirmed today.

The show, titled "Who Wants To Be A Defense Secretary?" will pit contestant against each other as they vie for the job of leading the U.S. military. Patrick Shanahan has been acting secretary of defense since January 1, 2019, and the White House must nominate a permanent appointee for Senate approval.

“As President Trump says, a lot of people want to be part of this cabinet,” said a senior Defense Department official involved in the show's development. “And he proved on ‘The Apprentice’ that nobody is better at picking winners from the pack in a way that’s both thorough and entertaining.”

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