KOBANE, Syria — The leadership of the Syrian Democratic Council has demanded the United States at least buy the Kurdish people of northeast Syria dinner before fucking them so hard. The statement comes in response to the Trump Administration’s recent policy that essentially green-lighted a Turkish military operation into the region.

Ilham Ahmed, President of the Executive Committee of the Syrian Democratic Council, spoke before a group of soldiers from the Women’s Protection Units, or YPJ, an elite fighting force made exclusively of Kurdish women.

“Let’s face it, ladies, if a guy’s gonna give you a few drinks and force you to lower your defenses along your buffer zone, he ought to at least fork over $100 for dinner before fucking you.”