SOUTH BURLINGTON, Vt. — In a stunning move from a company known for its liberal politics and opposition to violence, Ben & Jerry's has announced an ice cream flavor in honor of former Secretary of Defense James Mattis as part of its monthly "Flavors of Courage" awards.
"At first I was skeptical of [Mattis]," said Ben & Jerry's CEO Matthew McCarthy at a flavor christening ceremony with Mattis. "I mean, 'It's fun to shoot some people?' Between the Marines and the Trump administration, I thought that was all I needed to hear. The guy's not exactly Wavy Gravy or Wesley Clark."
"But after he came out against someone I disagreed with politically, I started looking at him more carefully. 'Saint Mattis.' 'Mad Dog.' I realized that was just an over-the-top ultra-conservative persona being projected onto him by people who didn't know him at all. The truth is we need more principled liberal military leaders like Tim Mattis!"
"It's Jim, actually, and I've never affiliated with any party," said Mattis, but his words were drowned out by the cheering crowd as McCarthy ate the first spoonful of If You Fudge With Me I'll Kill You Almonds®.
