HONOLULU — Sources report Adm. Harry Harris, Commanding Officer of Pacific Command, is unable to understand any tactic or procedure that doesn’t have a cool rhyme.

“I wasn't sure what Vice Adm. Donaldson planned to do about tracking pirates, until he told me they were 'putting an eye in the sky' and planning to put 'warheads on foreheads,'” Harris said in a meeting with reporters earlier today. “A SEAL team was currently 'in the rear with the gear' but 'capable of getting their ass in the grass.' They were planning to use a SPIE rig so they’d be going in as dope on a rope.”

“I also met with Brig. Gen. Pierce to discuss our plan to contain Chinese expansion,” Harris said as he headed towards his office. “Nothing he said rhymed so I had no idea what he was talking about.” He paused to unlock a door.