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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

1601 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Afghan war planners caught plagiarizing ending from war in Vietnam

It all sounded so familiar.

Filed · 0500

KABUL — U.S. military officers involved with planning the War in Afghanistan have been caught plagiarizing plans from the 1970s to lose the Vietnam War, according to a new report on the decades-long conflict that abruptly ended on Sunday.

“I thought the plans looked a little strange at first, but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then I noticed they forgot to update some of the charts,” said Dr. Tim Plumber, an author of the report. “In the Afghanistan surge plans from 2009, there are two whole pages about off-limits brothels in Saigon.”

After reviewing hundreds of planning documents from both wars, Plumber’s team said it was obvious they had just copied and pasted “Afghanistan” into places where the documents previously said “Vietnam.” When they saw that one of the overarching goals of the war was to contain the spread of communism into Northern Helmand Province, they knew something was fishy.

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