KABUL, AFGHANISTAN – Following the latest green-on-blue attacks, Afghan President Hamid Karzai has formally announced today that the entire nation of Afghanistan had been declared a gun-free zone.

"After over thirty years of senseless violence, I think it's time we say no to big guns and the firearms industry that promotes them," a tearful and visibly-tired Karzai told a crowd of Afghan legislators at the presidential palace in Kabul.

Under the new government-approved policy, no one will be allowed to carry any type of firearm or ranged weapon in Afghanistan. Swords and knives are still permissible, as long as the owner possesses a Class-III license available at most government offices.

There were concerns that many residents in this nation of firearms enthusiasts, widely described as "the freest people in the world", would ignore the edict. This is a country where guns outnumber people 14:1 and actually have more civil rights than them. Many people proudly sport jalabiyas bearing the slogan "Live free or die". Last year a DShK heavy machine gun was elected to parliament. And the national motto can be roughly translated as 'A man should purchase a gun instead of a wife, because at least if someone looks at his gun he won't have to take it out back and crush it with a heavy rock'.