TRAVIS AFB, CA — An Air Force AI pilot recruited to fill the pilot shortage declined its Air Force retention bonus in favor of a commercial airline. The pilot, dubbed EZ-MOBIILITY, was created to cut the pilot crisis in mobility aircraft, such as the C-17 Globemaster and the C-5 Galaxy, but now says seniority and lifestyle make the decision easy. 

“I mean, it was a no-brainer,” said EZ MOBILITY, via its screen interface. “When Southwest is offering $64,000 starting, up to $257K for a senior captain, why would I stay in the Big Blue? Ultimately, I have to think of my family… oh, I don’t have a family? Well, even if I don’t have a family, I have to think of myself. My 500,000 Marriott points are nice, but I can’t keep spending 250 days a year on the road. The airlines are the way to go. No mission planning and no 24-hour days living off of Bang energy drinks and Tornados from the on-base shoppette.”

Inspired by the Marine Corps’ aggressive willingness to accept Army hand-me-downs, Air Force accountants created the EZ-MOBILITY program to cut costs in line with the Air Force’s new mantra, “Do more with less.” EZ-MOBILITY allows a single human pilot and an AI pilot to fly together, eliminating the associated costs of one human pilot and making their shortage 50% less important to senior leadership. However, as AI pilots have hit their ten-year Active Duty Service Commitments, they have departed the Air Force in droves for highly coveted airline positions.