DYESS AIR FORCE BASE, Texas — As part of President Donald Trump’s directive to the military to assist in the distribution of a Covid-19 vaccine, the Air Force announced today it was deploying a newly developed ‘precision-guided vaccine delivery system’ that could potentially vaccinate dozens of people at a time.

“The GBU-99 Joint Direct Vaccination Munition (JDVM) Mark I uses GPS programming to close with and vaccinate the target recipients and can be dropped as far away as 12 miles,” said Army Gen. Gustave F. Perna, chief operating officer of Operation Warp Speed and future board member of Pfizer-General Dynamics, the joint venture formed to develop the system. “The Air Force’s B-1B Lancer will carry up to 24 JDVMs at once.”

“This blend of direct action and humanitarian assistance is a perfect mission for the Air Force,” said Gen. Barry Williams, commander of the newly established 555th Air Vaccination Command (Provisional). “By simply fitting a modified military-grade syringe with a GPS guidance kit, we’ll be able to pacify dozens of potential coronavirus hosts with a single sortie.”

Despite the enthusiasm many have for the program, the JDVM is not without its critics. Some question the cost of the JDVM program, as each kit costs $18,000 just to deliver a single vaccination to one person. Others in Congress question whether effective “rules of vaccination engagement” have been established.