CREECH AIR FORCE BASE, Nev. — Air Force pilots flying Unmanned Aircraft Systems (UAS) are enthusiastic about testing technologies that will help them engage enemy drones in brutal chair-to-chair combat, sources confirmed today.

“I can’t wait to lock onto one of those Russian ‘Repellant’ drones that supposedly suppress our communications,” said 1st Lt. Rodney “Preparation J” Judkins, a UAS pilot assigned to the 556th Test and Evaluation Squadron. Sitting in a Gentle Buttrider Mark III seat during a training flight open to reporters, he said, “I’ll knock those Rooskies out of their probably plastic chairs! Probably a chair like what you sit in at the lake.”

Judkins was eagerly looking forward to heart-pounding, death-defying chair-to-chair combat with both small ISIS drones and tough-as-nails Russian UASs.

“Air Force engineers help me fly, fight and relax by researching and testing the capabilities of enemy chair forces so we can win by a comfortable margin.”