NEVADA TEST AND TRAINING RANGE, Nev. — After winning a competition at the military’s annual Red Flag exercise, an Air Force Small Diameter Bomb II was just too intelligent for those Navy dumb bombs, according to a sea service Mk 82 general purpose bomb.

Mk 82, callsign “Dumbass,” said the “StormBreaker” bomb contains brains that it just doesn’t have. Dumbass was addressing reporters and bomb nerds outside a bunker at Nellis AFB, while wiping down dad-sweat from its loser bomb body and applying baby powder to its tail fuze.

“Look at the big brain on that guy!” said Dumbass, downing a shot of Military Special bourbon. “It nailed those targets with the millimeter wave radar and GPS. We weren’t funded for that. What a shitbag!”