VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. – Airman Alex Johnson finally got the pussy he had always wanted for Christmas this year.

“It was so awesome,” Johnson exclaimed with a dopey expression on his face. “There were so many pussies to choose from at that place downtown — black, white, mixed, Asian. I was working it hard for hours, and it was just like pussy galore! The lady in charge said I could even have a little pussy for free!”

Johnson was one of six Air Force volunteers who participated in the Santa Barbara Humane Society’s Christmas Day cat adoption event.

“There are dozens of cats at our shelter in need of homes,” said SBHS director Betty Nichols. “When I reached out to Vandenberg for volunteers to groom and play with the pussies, I got hundreds of responses!”