AL JANNAH (Heaven) — Earlier this week, former ISIS head Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi announced that he has obtained more virgins in the afterlife than fellow afterlifer Jeffery Epstein. The announcement came through a psychic medium currently employed by ISIS.
Al-Baghdadi, who allegedly committed suicide during a U.S. raid on his location, says he killed himself just in the nick of time. "Just a few more seconds and I would have been shot by U.S. forces, or mobbed by a dog," said his psychic medium with glowing white eyes. "Then, who knows how many virgins I would have. 72? 12? maybe even none."
