WASHINGTON — The Army will begin issuing 50-pound burlap sacks of grain to reenlisting soldiers in an effort to fight food insecurity across the force and increase morale at the same time, Army Chief of Staff Gen. Randy George announced at a press conference today.

“We feel this is a positive measure that will show we care. People first as I believe the saying is!” said George to the three out of 400 soldiers in the audience who were still paying attention.   

“Giving these guys and gals hefty sacks of grain shows that we want to make sure they and their families are not going without food.”

The new plan, nicknamed “Burlap for the Best of America,” comes in response to various reports of service members and their families around the nation who are having a difficult time obtaining proper nutrition. It also provides quick relief to soldiers serving in Alaska, where the cost of living allowance has decreased amid an exponential rise in food and rent prices and increased financial anxiety among families.