WASHINGTON, D.C., A.D. 3017 — A team of archeologists examining the ancient ruins of a temple known as “The Pentagon” have discovered fascinating remnants of a now-extinct society focused around worship of an all-powerful staff god who demanded sacrifices of updated “slides” and human labor at regular intervals.

“While the overall society of 2017 was fairly advanced, the ‘warrior class’ of 2017 was surprisingly superstitious,” said Dr. Gorgon Mapplewood, leader of archeological survey team. “Even minor occurrences that could have been addressed with the rudimentary technology available to the Pentagonians was addressed instead with ceremonies, ritual, and worship of the staff god."

He added: "It can be hard to understand such a primitive culture, but in our Pentagon site expeditions, we’ve found a perfectly preserved cache of ‘hard copy back-ups of PowerPoint slides’ to illuminate our understanding of this primitive society. Fascinating.”