In the pantheon of military traditions and secrets, none has been more protected than what should have been obvious all along: warrant officers aren't real.

Yes. It’s true.

Just like Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and Marines who don’t hate being Marines, it turns out that warrant officers are just figments of our imaginations.

"We first started with the basic reports," said Lt. Gen. Donna W. Martin, commander of the Army Inspector General office. "We've all heard the stories: warrants not showing up to work, soldiers finding only a cover on a desk with warrant officer rank on it, strange rituals."