God Strikes Down Ranger School For Allowing Women

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EGLIN AIR FORCE BASE, Fla. — The Almighty God answered prayers from around the nation begging for women to be removed from Ranger school on late Wednesday afternoon by striking down more than 40 students training in Florida with a swift and furious vengeance, sources within Heaven confirmed.

The two female Ranger trainees were not present at the site at the time and are safe at least for the time being, though more than ten students and instructors remained hospitalized with non life-threatening injuries, according to sources.

"I think it's obvious the statement made here," said Franklin Graham, an evangelist and unofficial public affairs officer for God. "People have prayed and pleaded, and God has answered."

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