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Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
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This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Situation Report
MINOT AIR FORCE BASE, N.D. — Controversy erupted when a local commander relieved a B-52 crew for creating what could be either penis pictures or crew self portraits, sources confirmed today.
“We found drawings on a B-52 navigation computer of five phallic-shaped objects," base spokesman Maj. “Needle” Dick Johnson said. "The Air Force policy is clear — cockpits are no places for dick depictions.”
The sky penis, a phallic shaped symbol made using contrails, took off in popularity after a pilot at Naval Air Station Whidbey Island used his aircraft to create the image. The atmospheric art has since been recreated multiple times, although the Air Force has yet to create its own version.
“I’ll admit that we envied the attention that Navy and Marine Corps aviators got for flying in formations that resembled penises," commander of the accused B-52 crew," Capt. Rodney “Ramrod” Schwantz, said. "I was absolutely deflated about not being able to maneuver my aircraft in the same way. Those air dorks are big and visible, and we all know that in sky writing, size matters.”
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