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Report: Psychopaths in gym locker room not wearing any shower shoes

KELLEY BARRACKS, Germany — A number of psychopathic patrons of Kelley Fitness Center are not wearing shower shoes while changing or showering, sources confirmed today.

“It’s something I see every day,” said Senior Chief Petty Officer Phil Kubiak, who works in the Africa Command J7 section. “Guys just standing there, on the bare concrete floor, in nothing but their feet. No shower shoes or nothing.”

“A lot of these guys are older, retired colonels or whatever, they’ve been around soldiers for decades, so you’d think they would know better,” agreed Staff Sgt. Brian Welter, an assistant watch NCO in the joint operations center. “Who in their right mind would put their bare feet on a surface that other service members have sweated and farted and gotten their grossness all over it?”

When confronted about their un-hygienic habit, many of the perpetrators remained unrepentant.

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