U.S. DISTRICT COURT, District of Columbia — Immediately following a federal judge’s ruling vacating former almost-Coast Guardsman and actual Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl’s military court-martial conviction and dishonorable discharge, the 37-year-old was seen ambling down the street toward a Navy recruiting station, mumbling about becoming “a Navy SEAL, maybe a pilot.”
“And so, it is the opinion of this court, that Mr. Bergdahl’s military desertion conviction and dishonorable discharge be vaca— hey, where did he go?” U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton, a George W. Bush appointee, asked while staring at Bergdahl’s empty chair. “Seriously, he was just right there.”
In 2009, Bergdahl walked away from his combat outpost, allegedly to report misconduct within his unit and find someone who would play Magic: The Gathering with him. A military investigation determined that shortly after he left his post, Bergdahl was picked up by Taliban fighters and held in captivity until 2014 when he was exchanged to a special operations team for five Guantanamo Bay detainees, seven million Roshan phone card minutes, and a handful of Skilcraft pens.
