BERKELEY, Calif. — In a move lauded by the Berkeley City Council as “inspirational,” the city’s Home Depot unveiled a new initiative to honor America’s heroes in a distinctly local way. Described by store manager William Klink as the catalyst for institutional enlightenment, military service members and veterans will now automatically qualify for a 10% “America’s ‘Heroes’” surcharge.
“It was just a regular hacky circle at vape break, and we were thought-showering ways to represent the community,” said newly appointed deputy manager Hannah Fudgely. “I blurted out ‘military surcharge,’ and man, the sack just hit the floor,” she said while smiling in recollection. “It was the perfect way to show our veterans how much this community respects their service.”
At a solemn Sept. 11 ceremony honoring victims of American imperialism, Klink introduced the surcharge as the first step in a visionary master plan for the Berkeley outpost of the venerable home improvement chain. The program, dubbed Home Depot Extreme Tolerance, or HDXT, was greeted by the assembled employees with a rapturous chorus of snaps.
According to Fudgely, a University of California at Berkeley junior, the program was wildly popular with the store’s many student employees who work at Home Depot for ethnographic research and high-concept performance art.
